attraversiamo

3 days ago (2,695 notes)

View high resolution

fishy

3 days ago

thankful

Sometimes things happen that you cannot change, and would not want to. Sometimes, those that you cannot change are things you would give anything to have ended differently. Sometimes you just have to accept that fate has the whole story and, though we may believe differently, all that is in our grasp is a cover page.

My little brother was in a serious car accident last night. I, being in a different city and expecting nothing more than a drunk text to my phone between the hours of 12 - 3 am, parted ways with the only source connecting me to my family 2 hours down the road. While enjoying a deep conversation about stars and four-leaf clovers with a temperamental hipster, reality struck me straight between the eyes. I, in my right mind but completely thrown off by the frantic sob of my mother’s voice, hastily chose to act irrationally and insist I should drive that night and meet my worried family at the ICU where my precious, innocent, newly-graduated brother was lying in an uncomfortable cot. All details aside, I stayed; decided to sleep on it (aka, lay in bed until it was a reasonable time to “wake up” and head out), and drove home, after an elongated church service and an even longer drive.

I’ve lost all ability to connect my words enough to explain this day, mainly because I am so beyond exhausted - emotionally, physically - to function. I don’t think I have ever cried for an entire day until now, and am sure thankful it’s taken 20 years for it to happen, ‘cause it blows. I don’t know what it is that kept making me lose it - I know Joe is alright - he came out of it with a broken foot and a massive laceration on his head, but nothing life-threatening at this point. He is stable, and, although in a lot of discomfort and pain, he’s home, where I can protect him like I have since I was nearly 2 and he was a newborn. At a prayer service for the other kids involved in the wreck, two of which are in much more serious condition and still undergoing surgeries, I couldn’t help my continued stream of tears back into my eyes if I wanted to.

The emotions connected with tears are so diverse, that it’s hard to understand why they come sometimes. Today, I know they came because of grief. For the families of the kids, the driver of the car who, surely, is feeling a heavy weight of guilt, for the exhaustion of the victims of the wreck. Today, I know they came because of the “what ifs” and scenarios playing over and over in my mind - placing my baby brother in the other kids shoes and imagining how much more pain we all would be going through if it were true. But today, more than any other cause, I know my tears came from joy. Joy amongst mourning, brought about by the only one who had those six students in His hand and his angels encamped around that vehicle. Joy that He will never throw anything our way we cannot handle, but promises to challenge us to help our growth with him, and closer to him. For that, I am thankful, and to joy, I am indebted. Without it, my mourning would never cease, and my hope would vanish. I cannot express my thankfulness and praise to my sweet Jesus for keeping my fragile brother in his hand, and using him in such a powerful way, as an answer to my prayers, and as a page in the book He has written for Joe.

3 days ago (7,794 notes)